Digital Bedside Manners Enthusiast Pillows

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I feel your pain level."

Doctors Discussion

"My best friend is my phone."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

Top Tips For Video Interviews

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'

Bedside manner could determine quality points.

'Twitter or tweet-free?'