Digestive Health Cognoscente Pillows

'We'll run a few tests, but it's probably just gas.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Wash your hands

Running

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lactose intolerance.

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).