Digestive Health Cognoscente Pillows

'We'll run a few tests, but it's probably just gas.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Running

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

Wash your hands

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Lactose intolerance.

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"