Dieting Loophole Lover T-Shirts

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

I've found a loophole in your loophole

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

Fat man on scales.

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"First, do no ham."

"It's what we agreed. I'd do the tax avoidance you'd do the tax evasion."

'Don't worry. His diet's only last a day or two.'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ