Dietician In Denial Prints

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

"Two vegans, please."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

The Boxing Glove Diet was working for Bertram.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'