Dietary Supplement Savant T-Shirts

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"I come here for the pepper."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

Sandwich snob.

Piggy Bank ATM

'You're in trouble. Your confidential memo went toxic and so did that tuna salad.'

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

Kid about report on alternative fuels being due today: 'I just couldn't summon up the energy to do it.'

'The forever stamps I purchased at 42 cents are now 44 cents. That's an annual apprciation of 2 which is more than you earned on your investment portfolio.'

US Energy Consumption

"The reason my salt is so expensive is because it's preservative-free."

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

Oil prices exceeding 105 dollars a barrel.

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

"Teeth cleaned. No questions asked."

"And when you've saved up enough money, what are you going to say in in your full-page ad in the New York Times?"

'Take more vitamins... Well maybe you shouldn't take so many vitamins.'

Wind Farm Association birthday cake with windmill candles

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

"The groomer used too much product."

"This means that my dad is climbing Everest with my cheese and pickle sandwich!"

Thug takes dog badger baiting with 'Set Nav'.

'Inside of me a thin person is struggling to get out. I find that person can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cream cheese cake.'

'Let me know when you're ready for the Great American tuna fish sandwich.'

'Where the devil is all that solar heat we sored up last summer?'