Dietary Lifestyles T-Shirts

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

Soup of the month.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"Two vegans, please."

Secretive Weigh In.

Exercise Class

Vegetarian Birds

The discovery of asparagus.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Exercising

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'