Diet Culture Rebels Pillows

"This is the third consecutive week you've gained weight. I have no alternative but to expel you."

Any time is cake o'clock

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"I'm a monster."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

Dieting is for losers.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

Diet Enforcer

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

'Does this fig leaf make me look fat?'

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

Church of the Low-Carbs

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'