Diet Comedy Lover Prints

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'Quit chewing tobacco? But that's the only source of fiber I get.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Woman on scales.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.