Diet Club Enthusiast T-Shirts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Fat man on scales.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'