Diary Writer Pillows

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

'What's taking him so long?'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

'Dear Diary, Well... I'm still looking for Mrs. Alright...'

Dear Diary, I'm moments away from shoveing a pen into my little brother's eye...

Dear Sir, today I did something that will yield high returns, but is fiscally naughty.

Stephen Harper's cat painting sign saying Ignatieff for Prime Minister.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

Professional woman in pub

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

"Dear Diary: Today I picked a peck of pickled peppers."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

'Lost Diary'

The Blob's Blog.

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

Dear Diary

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

'What did I ever see in you?' 'Fortunately I wrote it down. 'Jenny thinks I have a super sense of humour.''

Sponge Blog

Gigolo Diary

"Dear Diary: So I texted Julie..."

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

"I see the gastric bypass seems to be working."