Diary Enthusiasts Pillows

"Dear Diary, you won't believe what I came upon in the woods today – a Bobcat!"

Dear Diary, I'm considering starting these entries with "Dear Journal" instead of "Dear Diary" because "Dear Diary" makes me feel like Gidget.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Professional woman in pub

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Biological Cuckoo clock

'Lost Diary'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

Ostrich Bar

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

"I had half a date last weekend."

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'What did I ever see in you?' 'Fortunately I wrote it down. 'Jenny thinks I have a super sense of humour.''

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Romantic Coffee Dates