Diamond Skeptic Pillows

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

The suggestion box.

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Coincidence or What?

' Of course I didn't just marry you for your money dear.There was also your house in France,the Rolls Royce,your mother's diamonds...'

'Don't hide behind sales figures, Bill. We both know terminating me is philosophically unsound.'

Suggestions Box

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Eye-catching Diamond rings.

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

"I take it this is a very special occasion."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

"Don't like your present? Fine. Give it to me - I'll wear the diamond earrings."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

She said she loved diamonds. So on her birthday, he took her to a baseball game.

"Your call and personal data may be monitored for brainwashing purposes."

Cats are not as intelligent as you think.

'Rumors...'

"Thanks for your input Branston, but I've decided to go with my intution"

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

"You look like a million bucks to me."