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". . . And damned if you don't!"

"I don't care how crowded it is, you can't stay here unless you've done something really bad."

"Geez. . . what's the world coming to? I can't believe this newspaper would openly mock a mentally challenged child!"

"Any references?"

Going Down?

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"You know I hate birthdays!"

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Zombie plumber calling out for drains...

'Another Scotch?'

Devilled Eggs

Middle-Aged Man Celebrates Birthday Riding Escalator Without Holding Handrail!

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'You may see a great creation, Dr. Frankenstein... but I only see a great heck of a Product Liability Problem.'

"It sounds good so far, are there any strings attached?"

'Van Helsing, I've told you that just Holy Water isn't enough to kill count Snowcula! You need HOT Holy Water!'

'Full moon again Doctor.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Munster Island.

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"Can they REALLY be descended from wolves..??"

Hire Wire Act

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

Dracula Waits For the Bus With A Coffin Briefcase.

'I call him Franken-penguin.'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

Frankenstein's monster does Father's Day.

At the retirement home for daredevils.