Devices Gifts

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

"His battery anxiety has got out of hand!"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Lynching on social media

"Welcome to the future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

The Anti-Agent

"My email is down... talk to me."

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

In the Guru District

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Polly txt speak

Computer Room.

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore