Derivative Devotee Pillows

'I've given up red meat, sugar and booze; stock swaps and derivatives are all I have left!'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Great Chinese Dynasties

Thomas Hardy

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"...And please let the merger do through!"

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'You'll be very happy here...I know I am!'

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

Sale today - 50% off everything!

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

Shopping Torture

Give Thanks.

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

'Now that's devotion. Two broken arms and still working.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

"I'm a bargain hunter."

Thriller of the Week

'Michael left me because of my extreme couponing...at least I think he left me.'

All You Can Eat: Senior Special

'Congratulations Perkins! Always first arrived and last to leave. You're on your way to the top.'

"The following problem is not recommended for some viewers, or so our attorneys have advised us to say..."

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

"Congratulations, it's a nepo baby."