Derivative Devotee Pillows

'I've given up red meat, sugar and booze; stock swaps and derivatives are all I have left!'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Thomas Hardy

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

"...And please let the merger do through!"

'You'll be very happy here...I know I am!'

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

Shopping Torture

Sale today - 50% off everything!

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

Give Thanks.

'Now that's devotion. Two broken arms and still working.'

'Don't tell me we've been following the wrong light!'

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

"I'm a bargain hunter."

Thriller of the Week

All You Can Eat: Senior Special

'Michael left me because of my extreme couponing...at least I think he left me.'

'Congratulations Perkins! Always first arrived and last to leave. You're on your way to the top.'

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

"The following problem is not recommended for some viewers, or so our attorneys have advised us to say..."

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"