Department Store Devotee Mugs

"Martha and I are happy enough. I have my work and she has Bloomingdale's"

Sock dressing rooms

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

New Shoes.

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

A young couple selects items from a shop.

Monster Self-Help

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

"Am I passionate about fashion? Yep, I guess you could say I'm fashionate."

"Does this make me think I look good?"

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."

"If they're already killing you, you know they're the right fit."

Edit the Author 6-7

Children line up to talk to Santa

Hypnotizing Women

"I invented 'shopping' and I haven't seen my wife since."

I brake for all 50 off Sales.

"Slow down, I want to take a peek in Barneys!"

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"Whore of Babylon?"

Musty Old Book Shop Scent

"Come on. I always browse the Mom and Pop stores before buying online."

"By the authority vested in me by Bloomingdale's, how may I help you?"

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

Business is slow, thank goodness.

"It's the best darn Santa we've had in years!"

"Make me look like this."

'His hairdresser died last year, and he won't go to anyone else.'

"It's our new pre-mid season post match after lunch strip."

"I'm worried I didn't bring the right bag"

"I'm thinking of becoming a personal shopper." "What's that?" "It's where you buy things for people who are too busy to go shopping themselves." "I mean, I love to shop. I love it more than almost anything." "They say if you love your work, you never 'work' a day in your life." "To each his own, I guess." "I love everything about shopping. From the seductive 'OPEN' sign, to the supple checkout lines."

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

The New York Rebellion - When the Natives Decided to Take Back the Streets