Dental Connoisseur Pillows

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"He's a guard dog."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Take me to you lieder.'

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

“It’s the only way we can get him to kiss her.”

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

Toothless Meal

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'It's clear that we need Haitian refugees in America to do jobs Americans aren't willing to do... Like voting Democratic!'

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

"Is that snow? We never get snow around here...what do we do?"

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

Moliere