Delivery Dramatist Pillows

"Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to find this place."

Southwark Fair.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Comedy and tragedy masks

A man taking a bow

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Henrik Ibsen,

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Perfect Foil

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

'Shakespeare, what do you say we write a comedy?'

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Eugene Ionesco

John Masefield.

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

The Modern Godot

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

James Barrie.

'Just tell him two quarts of milk and a pint of cream, Will- it doesn't have to be a sonnet.'

Oscar Wilde

Henrik Ibsen

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Euripides

Modern Day Hamlet.

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."