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"Oscar Meyer or Hormel?"

Carnegie Deli

Deli/Antiques: Got Shrimp? Got Gout?

"I'm a retired doctor."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Baloneystini

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Am Awful Crammer.

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"You and your daft inventions."

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'You don't have to drive around. We bring the food to your table.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"