Delay Tactician Pillows

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

'What a control freak!'

'We'll need some time-delay remote detonators and a big brick of C-4.'

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Personnel. What do I call those gaps in my work history? Quality time.

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Ready to move when the other guy blinks.

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

'I went riding this morning. . . he got back before I did.'

The bus home.

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

Arsene Wenger

'Your resume is very creative. It's all a crock."

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

This Amount of Computer Code

"Face it - there is no good time to get married, have children, and move to Jersey."

Cars with cycles on roof are overtaken by cyclist with car on his back.

Wi-Fi password?

'We want the kids to buy it so we can't play up the fact that it's educational in nature.'

'I was there the day we were married. Talk about bad timing.'

"You're getting a time-out because Mommy needs a time-out."

"I've got a rare, front-row parking spot. I know I can't stay here during the holidays, but I'm allowed to dream."

Coo coo clocks make a cats job easier.

'Is this the narrow gauge track or a standard gauge track?'