Decorating Detective Pillows

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Face Painting.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Redecorating Easter Island.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'Quick, press control Z!'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

Early cave painters

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

"Love your feng shui!"