Decade Ponderer Pillows

"I spent my thirties doing my twenties, but by the time I was in my forties I was doing my forties."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

Totalitarian Humour

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

After the summer holidays

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Horatio T. Osborn, born 1787, died 1852, greatness thrust upon him 1825.

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

What's 'Bitcoin'?

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

Clement Attlee

"My brother sent me a text which is pretty amazing because he hates technology and he's dead."

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

"How did people waste time before computers?"

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"Isn't this outdated because there are script fonts now?"

'You are daydreaming all the time. When are you going to mature?'

"Awesome! I hope you don't mind me re-tweeting this sicko stuff."

"Leon rents out his time machine to people who have to go back and 'un-day' stuff that's now considered offensive."

"If you didn't want to feel inferior to your classmates, you shouldn't have gone to such a good school."

'It shouldn't take long to wnd up your Aunt's estate. She only left you an alarm clock.'