Debate Watching Gifts

"Change the channel from Hillary's debate and you'll be learning to use your left hand to feed yourself through a straw..."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"You're fired."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

The International and May Day Terrorism

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'The Questioner'

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

Difference of Opinion

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Liberal Vote-Shaming Explained

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

Trappist Monk Discord

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Our Two Parties, Explained

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"