Debate Warrior Pillows

'Rocks don't kill people - PEOPLE kill people!'

Donald Trump

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Oligarchy

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

What's normal?

Scarcity

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Dialogue

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

The economy.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now that's a win."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'