Debate Event T-Shirts

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"You're fired."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"Away with the warmonger!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

The International and May Day Terrorism

What's normal?

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

Dialogue

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."