Dealing With Home Insurance Claims Pillows

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

"We have a termite problem."

Americans More Optimistic

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

New Power Shower.

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

Insurance claim on Grandma

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

"I'm afraid your homeowner's policy doesn't cover your house being blown down."

'Makes you look slimmer.'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

'I've never known people who take as many baths as they do!'

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

"The good news is I've found a plumber...the bad news is he's coming from China. "

Rage Against the Washing Machine

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

"The client wants a real homey ad campaign. How about a mom eating apple pie watching baseball during a home invasion!"

"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."

'I don't think there's much we can do about it - he's on the planning committee.'