Deal-making Hotshot T-Shirts

"That was like taking candy from a baby."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

SALE

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"I hear the Universe is expanding - set up a meeting with their people."

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

"I always cry at mergers."

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

"I'd prefer a win-win solution – but I'm open to just a win."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

"From now on we’ll no longer pay your trucking company for driving for us. We’d like to be paid by you because you’re allowed to transport our great products!"

"I wasn't talking in my sleep. I was negotiating."

'Sorry for interrupting. I didn't realize you were still trying to hammer out an agreement.'

'So, anyone have any idea how we go about explaining how we made a hostile takeover bid for one of our own subsidiaries?'

'I think you should know I'm listening to offers from other Santas.'

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

"And this graph illustrates how our merger talks are going with Behemoth Industries."

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

Hostile take-over.

"The usual day. We took over somebody, then somebody took us over."