Dating Pillows

"Will you call me?"

Thoughts

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Single malt whisky bottle reading lonely hearts column.

'Of course I care for you. You're the most expensive woman in my life.'

"'In vino veritas?' You can't handle the veritas!"

Men. After shelling out for flowers, dinner and a movie, they all expect the same thing: a refund.

"You said your pictures were recent."

Ahhh...young and in love, a thrifty Mr. Tramp selects only the best flowers for ever date...

"I've never said this to anyone before, David, but you've got some pigeon droppings or something in your hair."

The Story of Oh

"Looks like someone got lucky."

"So that's your final answer."

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

The Emergence Of Language

"She's texting me, but I think she's also subtexting me."

'I've prepared this powerpoint presentation about myself which takes precisely the allotted five minutes.'

"I had a nice time, Steve. Would you like to come in, settle down, and raise a family?"

'Actually, that means English as a second language...the elephant singles bar is across the street!'

'Your body language would suggest you're not having the best time on our first date.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

'It says here that you'd prefer someone with regular bowel movements..Does it matter if they're involuntary?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

Why we need poetry. . .

'What? No flowers? No chocolates? Don't you have a heart?'

'Okay, I admit the photo I sent you wasn't that recent, and I'm not really a male model. But everything else is true!'

"Before we get too deeply involved..."

'Hnoey, it's ncie to hvae a rielhastiop wtih smoenoe who can atuclaly utrednsnad me.' 'I konw waht you maen.'

"It's not you, Frank, it's me - I don't like you."

'It seems we've both been a bit imaginative in creating our online profiles.'

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

"I get the feeling you haven't heard a word I've said"

'Gee, talk about body language!'

Speed Dating