Dating Dilemmas Detective Mugs

Randy's dating secrets #289: When your date says 'What're you thinking about,' you must be able to answer.

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

"So - we meet at last."

'Well? Where is this mystery man we've been hearing so much about?'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."