Dating Conversationalist T-Shirts

"He's like a Bill Gates without a Microsoft."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Nick, are you listening or just buffering again?"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A lesson in wit

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'