Dating App Expert Gifts

'Okay, I can offer you the budget hairline.'

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

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Today's love

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

The Stages of Wine

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

"I've had my eye on you for some time"

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

Tom prepares for his hot date.

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"I'm a simple man, really."

'He was taller online!'

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'