Dating Advice Taster Pillows

"I can't believe she doesn't want to see me again. I even complimented her on the way she chews food."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Boyfriend of the Month.

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

The Stages of Wine

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

Warbling on the First Date

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

Tom prepares for his hot date.

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

Hypnotizing Women

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"I'm a simple man, really."

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

Babe magnet

'How was your date?'

"Believe me, boys are like sports. They never live up to the pregame hype."

"My name is Adam and your name is Eve and that I think is a good starting point for a relationship between us!"