Dating Ad Lover Pillows

Early Sexting

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'But what do you sell?'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

Junk Mail

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"We're ready to give the verdict....after the commercial break."

'I prefer Brand X myself.'