Date-night Dilettante Pillows

'Enough about me- let's talk about my mom!'

Garlic Free Zone.

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'House wine?'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

'How was my date?...It went OK. He paid for dinner, and he floats. I suppose that has to count for something.'

The singles bar...

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

Sitting Out the Lambada

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"