Data Decipherer Pillows

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.

'Crisis'

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Information vs. confusion

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'...just robbing peter to pay paul...what's up with you?'

"No Jenkins, that's NOT a sales graph - it's my salary increase."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Maze of legalities.

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"I believe it translates to... have a nice day."

'I've never seen this symbol before. What could it mean?'

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

Europe and TTIP

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

Descartes School of Philosophy.

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

'Connect insert A, B, and C into slots D, E, and F. Tighten using assembly tool G. What in the H are they talking about?'