Dark Humored Gifts

Even Bob's deathbed confession was lame.

'God is dead.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Dead Funny

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

The practical psychopath

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Housekeeping?!"

"The Eggsorcist"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."