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"Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders."

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

Desert crawler killed by water truck.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

Doctors Without Boundaries

"Do we have a place for your portfolio's ashes?"

Exit sky-diving team - Senior citizens jumping out of plane with no parachutes.

'I'd better warn you - I've got high cholesterol!'

"Will that be all, sir?"

'This taste funny to you?'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Surgical Keepsakes of the Anderson Family: Family have kept their milk teeth, kidneys stones, etc, in display jars. The family dog has his testicles in a jar.

Life Sucks.

'Just out of curiosity, do you have a best case scenario?'

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

Staff Picks in Hell

Epitaph - 'I'm With Stupid'

"How come we don't start plagues any more? Are we one of those boring couples?"

'Your identity or your life!'

"And, these we reserve for 'frenemies'."

Race for Life

Gravestone: I Told You I Was Sick!

Grim Reaper family - 'Look dear, his first death rattle.'

'Great, now this phone is dead too! Does anybody here have a phone that works?!'

'I'm sorry, but the comfort of our coffins has never been an issue before!'

"Why would I do that? We don't talk now."

Small talk: 'Wow that's really interesting. I've never actually been to Los Angeles, but I do have some friends there. Do you know Lisa Schwartz?'

'Jack the Ripper as a child.'

'Yes, Jeff. I'm sure I will see you again. Probably on the FBI's 'most wanted' list!'

'Look on the bright side Louise! At least you'll get rid of your migraine!'

'Cause of death: Acute, sudden dehydration secondary to moisture-wicking undergarments.'

Quasimodo Zit.

Doc told me I have brain damage. As my manager responsible for this, it's time for me to damage yours!