Dark Humor Connoisseurs Pillows

Yes, you've reached the suicide prevention hotline...Yes, in fact out service does come with a guarantee...'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Vlad the Impala

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

The practical psychopath

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"The Eggsorcist"

End the Winter Blues

"I'm the bad guy..."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"