Dark Comedy Connoisseur Pillows

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

'Our dinner's in the oven on the next island.'

Worse than voodoo muggers...

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Vlad the Impala

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

The Snarky District

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'