Dark Comedy Collector Pillows

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Organ Exchange Bank

'Don't take it so hard, Paul. Lots of my employees have made mistakes in the past. In fact, if you look to your left I think you can see a few of their skeletons in the corner.'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

Banana Split...

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Surf Casting

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

E-Baying @ The Moon

End the Winter Blues

Filet minion

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Turtle Hat

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Snowmobull

"The Eggsorcist"

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"