Dark Comedic Fan Prints

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

End the Winter Blues

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"