Dark Humor Fan Prints

"And to think that we started as a book group."

"Audit him - but make it look like an accident."

'Ratty! Moley! You'll be pleased to hear I've finally found something more exciting than the motor car - crack cocaine!'

A Brush with Death

"And if you do any work, put it here."

"My God—do you suppose it can read?!"

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'I had no choice, his documentation was weak.'

'I started out in creative writing, began dabbling a bit in creative finance and accounting, and before I knew it, wound up here!'

"I don't know how the gods feel, but sacrificing financial advisors makes me feel happy."

"You're not going anywhere until we finalize our estate plan."

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

"I knew I smelled something funny."

'Today's agenda - 1:Emerge, 2:Eat, 3:Mate, 4:Die.'

"I'm not sure what's wrong with you. We'll have to wait for the results to come back from the autopsy."

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

I'm not going to be ignored.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."

'What goes better with road kill...red or white?'

"Oh no, Daisy's committing herbicide!"

"Need anything from the bank?"

"A life sentence isn't so bad. With good behavior, a poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise, you'll be out in no time."

'We don't call it torture anymore - it's occupational therapy!'

"Of course you feel great. These things are loaded with antidepressants."

"When did you start thinking there might be something wrong with you?" "When you told me!"

To his dismay, Vern's entire surgical team passes out at the sight of blood,

I hope they've checked this place for radon.

"Love your work."

'You mean to tell me there are no fire exits?!'

'My only regret is that I'll never live to see the movie.'

'Mind filling out this evaluation form first?'