Dark Humor Fan Prints

"And to think that we started as a book group."

"Audit him - but make it look like an accident."

'Ratty! Moley! You'll be pleased to hear I've finally found something more exciting than the motor car - crack cocaine!'

A Brush with Death

"And if you do any work, put it here."

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"My God—do you suppose it can read?!"

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'I started out in creative writing, began dabbling a bit in creative finance and accounting, and before I knew it, wound up here!'

'I had no choice, his documentation was weak.'

"I don't know how the gods feel, but sacrificing financial advisors makes me feel happy."

"You're not going anywhere until we finalize our estate plan."

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

"I knew I smelled something funny."

'Today's agenda - 1:Emerge, 2:Eat, 3:Mate, 4:Die.'

"I'm not sure what's wrong with you. We'll have to wait for the results to come back from the autopsy."

"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

I'm not going to be ignored.

"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"A life sentence isn't so bad. With good behavior, a poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise, you'll be out in no time."

"Need anything from the bank?"

"Oh no, Daisy's committing herbicide!"

'What goes better with road kill...red or white?'

"When did you start thinking there might be something wrong with you?" "When you told me!"

"Of course you feel great. These things are loaded with antidepressants."

'We don't call it torture anymore - it's occupational therapy!'

I hope they've checked this place for radon.

"Love your work."

'You mean to tell me there are no fire exits?!'

'I find it difficult not to entertain the occasional negative thought.'

'My only regret is that I'll never live to see the movie.'

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'