Dairy Products Detective Pillows

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Honest Vending

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

GM Crops Genie.

Clandestine cows.

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Horse meat scandal.

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Gangster Babies

'You hate to see this kind of thing.'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."