Daily Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"How about a quick espresso before school, Toby?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'Household water use'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Internet Shoplifting

'It takes all day to eat it.'

How it started: How it's going

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

Spam.

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

"Dude. You need to get cable."

"Dang it."

"They misspelled your avatar."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

Oldies.

'Our research shows that downloading happy songs prolongs computer life by 20.'

Amateur Spam.

Hits Needed, please click.

"He has encolosed the money as an attachment so we just have to print it out...!"

'I'm bored.'

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"I've heard of click bait before, but this is ridiculous!"

"My ears are burning - Somebody must be blogging about me."

'This is him, on the hands free.'

"I've been toiling for months to write the great American tweet."

Twitter followers: Wile Coyote

Download Hot Pics: Leda and the Swan.

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

'Hey Dad - you're shaving with my transistor radio!'

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

birthday meets reality

Internet crap.