Daily Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"How about a quick espresso before school, Toby?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'Household water use'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

How it started: How it's going

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Internet Shoplifting

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Dude. You need to get cable."

Spam.

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

"Dang it."

'Our research shows that downloading happy songs prolongs computer life by 20.'

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

Amateur Spam.

"They misspelled your avatar."

Oldies.

Hits Needed, please click.

"He has encolosed the money as an attachment so we just have to print it out...!"

'I'm bored.'

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"I've heard of click bait before, but this is ridiculous!"

"I've been toiling for months to write the great American tweet."

'This is him, on the hands free.'

Download Hot Pics: Leda and the Swan.

Twitter followers: Wile Coyote

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"My ears are burning - Somebody must be blogging about me."

'Hey Dad - you're shaving with my transistor radio!'

birthday meets reality

Internet crap.