Dad-to-be Pillows

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

"We're going to have a chipolata."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Doughboy Dad

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Food deliverer's baby.

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"That's mine!"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Dad Trophies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

In the DNA Kitchen

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"They look so young and helpless."