Cynics Anonymous T-Shirts

'If I am elected my economic plan will include tax rebates for any unfulfilled campaign promises!'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

Bush vs. America

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Black Friday

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Diogenes and tourists

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Sucking Up to Gen X

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."