Cynical Cake Cutter Gifts

"Traditionally, you cut the bottom layer at the wedding reception, the middle layer at your first child's Christening, and the top layer to celebrate your divorce settlement."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

A dog at the bakery.

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"You know I hate birthdays!"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

Dogs and Cake

"Tell me the truth. . . what happens to all the leftover cake scraps in The Great British Baking Show?"

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'That is the last time we will ask an actor to cut a cake.'

"But is it art ?"

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

Happy Eightieth Birthday

'He's sulking because I caught him licking the cake shop window.'

Oink.

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"How do you want your slice - with or without a ballerina?"

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'

'I've had my cake and eaten it, too - Now I want the cake of others.'