Cutlery Critic Gifts

"Would you mind bringing me a Western utensil?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'I love it when you spoon me.' 'I love it when you fork me.'

'I love it when you spoon me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"