Cutlery Critic Gifts

"Would you mind bringing me a Western utensil?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Happy hour.

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"