Customer Survey Specialist T-Shirts

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Our Troubled Chowders

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Surveys and economic interests

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

First and last day as census taker...

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

"After a thousand years you may receive a questionnaire on the quality of my torture. So if for any reason you think you can't give me all tens, please let me know."

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"