Customer Service Tales Pillows

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Do not feed the clerks.

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"I'd recommend this."

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'